02 November 2010

Ten things you wish you could say to ten different people right now

1. I have always and will always have this inexplicable soft spot in my heart for you. Even when you insult me and mock me and are rude to me. I think it’s because I know you’re just pushing me to see if I’ll leave. But I won’t. I’m here, for good, and even though everyone else has given up on you and written you off, I haven’t. So you can keep kicking me to the ground, but I’m going to keep waiting for you to pick me back up. Because you always do.

2. You loved me more than I loved you. I’m sorry for that. But I think this will be good for you, and for me, too. You can’t make one person the center of your world.

3. I’m glad our friendship has morphed into what it is. I’m so much more comfortable talking about things with you now. Even though you’re far away, you’re still my best friend.

4. I will always be in love with you, and you will always be in love with me, but it will never work out. I’m glad we figured the last part out early on, it makes everything easier.

5. I am so unbelievably proud of you. Just thinking about the amazing young man you’ve grown into makes me tear up. And the fact that you attribute who you are now in part to me makes me feel so unworthy to be your older sister. You are a better person than I will ever be, and even though you’re younger than me, I will always look up to you. I love you so much, and I miss you more than I ever thought I could now that I’m up here. I hope you make all the right choices that I never did, and I also hope you fuck up a lot of them. I will never try to teach you a lesson before you’ve had the chance to learn it yourself, I promise. But I’m always here for you, buddy. Always, always, always.

6. Thank you for letting me talk to you about everything and anything at any time. You are always understanding and never judgmental and I appreciate that so much. If you ever need me, I’m here.

7. I look up to you so much. You are directly responsible for any sense of responsibility, leadership, and integrity that I have now. You always pushed me to be my very best, and I cannot thank you enough for that. You were the best coach I have ever had, and I am so grateful that you are still a part of my life. I hope everything works out for you, you deserve the very best.

8. I’m sorry that I ever thought poorly of you. You have a good heart, and you are the best friend a girl could ask for. You’re always there for me, and being able to rely on that is really nice. I can’t wait to see you in a few weeks!

9. You don’t know how much shit you’ve put me through. You destroyed my self-esteem and made me question everything and hide everything and hate myself. I never knew how to please you and you tortured me for that. But I forgive you. I’m glad we’re past that shitty part of our relationship and I’m glad I can be myself around you and I’m glad I love you.

10. I don’t regret it at all.


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